what’s it like to be old?
because i find myself surrounded with new experiences every day, constantly in awe of this “miracle of human consciousness,” as they say, and i can’t wait to meet new people or try new things or go to the latest, greatest, most interesting new place.
but what of the monotony of aging? of following the typical process, of finding a job or a wife or a house. of making money and saving it and on and on and on. every day the same. no new adventures, no new friends, breaking the boredom with a blank expression by breaking out the box of wine so that you can whine, so that you can remember what it’s like to feel something, because the alcohol that pours down your throat just feels like something you used to know — something you used to know well.
i have to admit it, i’m a little afraid, and i don’t know what there is to gain, and i can’t imagine being older than i am, and i can’t imagine not doing what i’m doing, and i can’t understand why anyone would want to change.
ah, but experience: therein lies the benefits of aging. therein lies the “whys” and the discoveries.
what is there to learn when you’ve never had a broken heart? a broken bone? a broken bottle of promises that no one ever intended to keep. when you grow up, you discover lies - that columbus was sort of an asshole, that you don’t deserve what you were given, that sometimes hard work doesn’t pan out like it’s supposed to, that even though it’s illegal people still do drugs. but you also discover your own truths, your own way in the world, the way you want to see things. you discover what it’s like to really be alive.
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